


Spring

by Erika_K



Series: One-shot Collection [2]
Category: Magdalena Eriksson & Pernille Harder, Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-18 03:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21771088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erika_K/pseuds/Erika_K
Summary: So this is the second part of what is supposed to become a series of one-shots. For this one I went back a few years…I separated this chapter into two parts because there have already been questions about when it might be ready and if I would have waited till I had finished the whole thing, it would have taken even longer. So here is part A. I hope that part B will follow in a couple of days.They have a little more to say in this one, so they speak English now, since you obviously can't work with subtitles or something like that in a story…Again a gigantic shout out to CupidWriter for her endless patience while being my language consultant. She didn't proofread the whole story though. So all mistakes or language weirdnesses that are still in here are mine.Please let me know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr (@erika---k).
Relationships: Magdalena Eriksson/Pernille Harder
Series: One-shot Collection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1569001
Comments: 12
Kudos: 54





	1. Part A

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the second part of what is supposed to become a series of one-shots. For this one I went back a few years…
> 
> I separated this chapter into two parts because there have already been questions about when it might be ready and if I would have waited till I had finished the whole thing, it would have taken even longer. So here is part A. I hope that part B will follow in a couple of days.
> 
> They have a little more to say in this one, so they speak English now, since you obviously can't work with subtitles or something like that in a story…
> 
> Again a gigantic shout out to CupidWriter for her endless patience while being my language consultant. She didn't proofread the whole story though. So all mistakes or language weirdnesses that are still in here are mine.
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr (@erika---k).

**March 2014**

This was like one blind man leading the other. The injury had happened more than four weeks ago already and Magda was very happy that she could almost walk normally again, but sometimes that made her forget that she still shouldn’t put too much stress on her knee. 

She had just started to try to help Pernille up, but then grimaced in pain, when she realised that this wasn't a good idea.

She let go of Pernille, who leaned back into the sofa, looking worriedly at her. “What is it?”

Magda moved her knee carefully. The pain ceased pretty quickly, so this wouldn’t mean a step back in her recovery, thank god, but it had certainly shown her that she still had to be very careful.

“I should take the weight with my stable leg!” Magda went over to Pernille’s other side and put her arm around her waist again. “Ok, now, come on.” 

Pernille got up, standing on her one good foot, while Magda was steadying her, being careful to put most of the weight on her not-injured knee.

After Magda had ruptured her ligament, the next injury had hit their team just last week and now their top scorer was down as well. Pernille had had surgery for her foot just three days ago and Magda and a few others took turns to help her out with all the things she couldn’t do right now. Since she couldn’t train too intensely herself yet, Magda had a lot more spare time than the others, so it seemed logical to everyone that she took the biggest load.

She grabbed the crutches that leaned beside the sofa and handed them to Pernille. She stayed beside her, while Pernille hobbled through the living room to the patio door and over the doorstep.

After she had sat down on the bench outside, Magda helped her to get comfortable with some cushions and blankets, her foot in a big cast propped up on the low table in front of her.

It was hard to see her like that. This was the girl that usually rushed across the football field with a speed that hardly anybody could keep up. Now she was visibly happy to be able to sit down again after just those few meters to get out here.

Magda put a last blanket under Pernille’s leg so the edge of the table wouldn’t pinch into her calf.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, thanks!” Pernille leaned her head back and closed her eyes enjoying the sun on her face.

Spring had actually decided to make a try today. The sun didn’t have much power yet and it would still take some weeks until the trees would have leaves, but the sky was blue and the sun was shining brightly and you finally knew that the end of winter was an actual possibility. 

The previous days Pernille had still been a little under the weather from the anesthesia and painkillers and wasn't really up to do anything but resting anyway. Magda knew that now the bad part started, when you almost felt normal again, but still were chained to the bed or sofa. Bad enough for the average person, a nightmare for someone who was used to as much exercise as they were.

The weather of course made it even worse and so Pernille had finally declared that she was going to get crazy if she had to stay on this sofa for one more second and they had decided that they would bundle up to sit outside.

Pernille squinted against the sun. “Sunglasses would be great, though! And my book!” She smiled at Magda. 

Magda tapped two fingers to her temple in a pretended military salute. “...at your command!” 

She got Pernille’s sunglasses, the book and her own bag and settled on the bench beside her.

She had some studying to do, but she had agreed with Pernille that she could just as well do it here instead of at home so that they could keep each other company.

Pernille offered her one of her headphones and they both delved into their reading.

This was nice! The sun, the light, the slight smell of spring that was already in the air… The company…

Of course she was here because Pernille needed help, but she was very happy to stay longer than necessary. She had spent more than enough time alone since her injury.

When Magda had come to Linköping a little more than a year ago she had immediately gotten along really well with many of her teammates and soon there was a close knit group of friends.

The world of girls playing football on this level was a small one. So there had been many girls she already knew - some from a very early age when they had played children or youth tournaments together, others from more recent events. The rest she had certainly heard about but she had first met them here.

Pernille had been one girl in that new formed group of friends, but if Magda would have been asked to name some of her new friends in Linköping, Pernille would probably not have been among the first people she had mentioned.

It was only in recent months that they often happened to find each other when they were training two by two, they often ended up staying longer than the others after practices or met outside of training, watching TV together or just sitting together talking and when they boarded the bus, none of their teammates asked anymore if the seat beside Madga was taken because by now it was a given that that would be Pernille’s seat.

Magda looked up from her book and her notes, glancing over at Pernille. Pernille was holding her book on her knees, but she wasn’t reading. She was looking at Magda. Their eyes met when Magda looked up. They smiled at each other.

“What’s the matter?” Magda asked.

Pernille shook her head. “Nothing…” She looked down at her book again and Magda did the same.

A new song started. This one had never been in any of Pernille’s playlists before. Their taste of music had been quite similar from the beginning but Magda had realised that more and more often some songs sneaked into Pernille’s playlists that had been on Magda’s playlists before.

And the same applied to Magda’s playlists and Pernille’s songs as well.

They could both listen to their own music of course but they preferred to share their headphones. It was nice to know that the other one listened to the same song at the same time and it was nice to have one free ear so you could talk to each other as well.

Pernille stirred beside her trying to find a more comfortable position.

“Are you alright?”

Pernille tried to sit up. “Can you pull the table a little closer, please? I think my leg could use a little more support.”

Magda did what she was asked, carefully paying attention to not stir Pernille foot more than necessary.

“Does it still hurt?”

“A little, but it’s ok.”

“Do you still take medication?”

“I’ve still got some pills left. It's ok now, but I think I’ll take some tonight to sleep.”

It was always a strange mixture of sentiments that hit you when a teammate got injured. There was the question of what this would mean for the team’s performance. But of course your teammates were often also close friends and you certainly felt sorry for them for the pain the injury caused as well as for the disappointment of not being able to play for a certain time. 

Madga knew that she was extremely ambitious, which mostly was a great trait for a football player. It got you where you wanted to get, but sometimes she didn’t like what it did with her: She had more often than not caught herself being very upset about the fact that a teammate might miss important games and first after some time it would hit her, what this injury would mean for the injured player herself, leaving her with an awfully bad conscience.

Magda hadn’t been able to train with the others for almost five weeks now, but she was often at the club anyway for her own rehab program and to hang out with the others after their training.

She had sat on a bench beside the training ground and watched the rest of her team, when Pernille suddenly had started to limp and after a few steps fell down and held her foot.

Magda sat with her when the medic examined her. She had put an arm around her shoulders and had almost winced herself when she saw how the tears shot in Pernille’s eyes when the medic had to move her foot when he removed her boot. When it became clear that this was serious she had immediately felt Pernille’s frustration over the break this would mean for her. 

Pernille was without a doubt the most important player in their team and her injury would certainly have an enormous impact on their team’s performance during the next weeks, but it was oddly enough first when a teammate beside her mumbled “Fuck, and the game against (…) is next week!” that she remembered what this foot that just got bandaged with an icepack meant for their teams success.

She looked over at Pernille… who again wasn’t reading, instead their eyes met again.

Magda smiled at her. “Is the book boring?”

Pernille shook her head. “No, why?”

“You don’t seem captivated exactly…!”

“I’m just… I don’t know… easily distracted right now… I got too little exercise recently probably.”

“Yes, probably…” 

Pernille got back to her reading.

Magda continued to watch her. She loved to hear her talk. When they first met, often when Pernille had started to speak, it had taken Magda two sentences to realise that she actually understood her and that apparently what she spoke right now was actually Swedish. To Magda the Danish Pernille used with their Danish teammates sounded pretty much the same, the only difference was whether or not she got what she was saying. Pernille spoke fluently and mostly correctly but her pronunciation was still kind of on the other side of the Öresund.

By now Magda didn’t really think of it as a Danish accent anymore, it was simply the way Pernille talked and she had become very fond of it.

Magda shook her head and focused on her studying again. She had learned to work targetedly and time-efficiently already during her school days, when her football playing had turned more and more serious and her training had become more and more time consuming.

It was the only - very weak - consolation for her injury that right now for once she didn’t need to share her priorities. The exercises for her knee she was expected to do right now were very easy to reconcile with her studies compared to her usual training schedule.

After a while she saw out of the corner of her eyes that Pernille was fiddling with her phone. Pernille looked up, realising that Magda was watching her.

“I think people should know that I’m having a nice afternoon, despite the foot... and that I’m having great company…” She smiled at Magda. She showed her her phone. “Don’t you look happy…?”

Pernille had taken a selfie; Magda, intensely staring at her notes, visible in the background.

“That’s my focus face! I’m studying!” Magda defended herself.

“Yes, I know.” Pernille smiled at her coyly. “Maybe I also want people to know that I’m having very sharp company! It’s ok if I post it, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sure!”

Magda watched Pernille as she was typing on her phone, posting the picture. A few strands of hair had slipped from her hair tie and waved slightly in the spring breeze, her hair looking even lighter than usual in the bright sunlight.

Their eyes met when Pernille looked up from her phone. They smiled at each other.

Pernille put her phone in her pocket. She nodded towards Magda’s books. “If we could afford to only play football… Would you still continue to study?”

Magda looked down at her book. “I’m not sure… It is actually interesting and it’s certainly going to be useful, if the football career doesn’t work out or as a basis for whatever I’m going to do later. You kind of need a plan B, don’t you?”

“Yes, you do… You never know what happens…” Pernille pointed at her foot.

“Do you think you might have problems from that on the long run?”

Pernille shrugged her shoulders. “The doctors said chances are good that I won’t. But of course you worry anyway."

Magda nodded. “You usually don’t think about that, don’t you? But if something like this happens…” She nodded towards her knee. “...it suddenly becomes very real that it just needs one second that you’re not careful enough… One bad step… It can just be a minor thing that doesn’t heal properly and that was it!”

“Can you imagine…?” Pernille asked. “To know that you can never play again?”

Magda shook her head. “I don’t even want to think about it.” She looked at Pernille’s foot. “But you will be fine! I’m sure!”

“So will you!”

Magda laughed. “You can’t really compare the two of us, can you? If I couldn’t play anymore, that would be really unfortunate for me. But if you couldn’t play anymore… That would be a loss for the whole world of football.”

“Oh, come on…”

“It’s true! Have you read anything about yourself recently? You will become the best female player of all time! You are just… so good!”

“You’re embarrassing me, but yes, I guess I am pretty good…” Pernille looked at Magda. “But you’re fantastic as well…”

Magda snorted. “I am pretty good, but you know as well as me that I’m not anywhere close to your level!”

“You’re still one year younger than me...”

“Also next year, I won’t be anywhere close to your level! And hardly anyone else will be either! And you know that!”

Pernille smiled sheepishly. “Yes... in a way I guess I do…” After a pause she continued: “But whatever it is, where you might be some steps behind me, you make up for that with your determination! You are the most determined person I know… I’m trying to get a ball past you on a daily basis… So, believe me! I know what I’m talking about! If you continue like this, you will be every forward’s nightmare!”

Magda grinned at her. “Thanks… I do my best to make life difficult for you...!” She got serious again. “You understand that I don't begrudge you your success, do you? I think it’s great that you are so amazing! Not just because you score our goals, but also because I’m really happy for you!”

Pernille nodded. “Yes, I know that. And... I might have a certain talent, but I only get better because I have people like you to train against and play with.”

“That’s the point with a team, isn’t it?” Magda said. They smiled at each other.

Magda took her phone out and slipped to sit closer to Pernille. “I also want people to know I’m having nice company!”

Pernille smiled and leaned in, looking at the camera.

The result turned out very nice. Yes, this was totally a picture Magda wanted people to see. While she was posting it she considered if it were the smarter choice to slip back to where she had sat on the bench before, but before she could make that decision, Pernille slid even closer to her side. She felt Pernille’s head lean against her shoulder. Magda looked down at her. Her eyes were closed, enjoying the sun on her face again.

No, Magda certainly wouldn’t move. She leaned her head against Pernille’s hair and also closed her eyes. She would simply allow herself to enjoy this.

She knew! Of course she knew! She knew what was going on with her. She was neither sure when it had started nor when exactly she had understood… But she knew!

The simple happiness she always felt in Pernille’s presence.

A language that turned from the common joke of sounding like drunk, stoned or speaking while chewing hot potatoes to simply fucking endearing as soon as a certain person opened her mouth.

Adding Pernille’s songs to her playlist, because mediocre songs became good ones and good songs became fantastic ones when they reminded her of the moments when they had sat together and listened to them.

Being awe-struck by Pernille’s football skills… and while she had always been able to appreciate other players’ skills, it had also always stung her when someone was better than her. For Pernille, however, she just felt ungrudging admiration and enormous pride to be this girl’s teammate.

Yes… Her ambition... that simply went up in smoke when Pernille’s pain was a thousand times more important than any match results that might be affected by her injury.

And of course all the moments when she became aware of Pernille’s hair, her smile, her lips… And the moments in the dressing room and in the showers when she mostly succeeded to not become too aware of other things…

Oh, God, yes, she knew! 

Magda felt her heartbeat in her throat. Pernille was so close, her hair tickling Magda’s neck. She hadn’t even started yet to think about how she would deal with this. She just knew that she certainly couldn’t act on it! Because…

Because there had been a boyfriend!

Because there were casual comments about certain men looking appealing. Singers, actors... But never a word about women…

Because Pernille had always firmly been in the “Look at him!”- and not the “Look at her!”-group when they were going out with friends and after a certain degree of tipsiness it became funny to check-out other people at the club.

Even Pernille’s comments of admiration for male football players were not always strictly limited to their playing!

Long story short: Because there were many absolutely unambiguous signs that there was no point to continue to even think about it!

She had no plan. She had avoided all thoughts of what would be the right, the reasonable thing to do. Up to now she just let things happen as they came.

When Pernille fell asleep on the bus after a tiring match, her head sinking on Magda's shoulder, she hesitated but finally gave in to her impulse to put her arm around her. Just to provide more support for Pernille’s head, of course - they really couldn’t use a forward with a stiff neck, could they?

She hugged Pernille when she scored. Not more often, not longer then previously but certainly more aware of what it felt like to have their heated bodies pressed against each other for a few seconds before they both rushed off again to continue the game.

When they watched TV together, sharing a blanket during the winter that had barely past, they - just like now - often ended up in positions that could hardly be described any different than cuddly. It wasn’t only her that brought them in these positions, but she definitely contributed gladly, because it was just so nice to be this close to Pernille. 

On their last bus ride Pernille’s head had somehow even ended up in her lap. Their top striker really needed a comfortable position to rest in, she told herself, watching Pernille’s face while she was sleeping, tenderly caressing her hair, an abstracted smile on her face, that she first became aware of when she realised that Frido was watching her with a frown from the other side of the aisle.

She totally knew that all of this was like blowing on the fire when what you should do was stifling it, but it just felt too good to avoid it.

No, she had no plan unless you considered it a plan to just drift around somewhere in between the firm resolution to not hit on an obviously straight girl and still allowing herself to enjoy all the moments of closeness that she could get without making things weird. 

Magda turned her head to look at Pernille and again their eyes met… Because Pernille had also turned her head towards her and watched her.

Yes, there were these moments as well… 

Moments that made her heart flutter and made her wonder… But she always told herself to get her shit together and accept that these were just some singular misconstrueable moments against fifteen months of hard evidence!

Pernille smiled at her for a second, before hastily looking away, inspecting the leafless tree in front of the patio with an unusual interest.

Both of their phones beeped at the same time, letting them know that they got messages.

“Since you lazy dogs probably just sat around the whole afternoon, we assume dinner is ready when we come over!”

Their teammates had apparently finished their training for the afternoon.

They had agreed to meet with a few people at Pernille’s place tonight to have dinner together. Now that she felt better, she really shouldn’t get cabin fever.

“Shall we do them the favour?” Magda asked.

Pernille nodded. “We can at least start, can’t we?”

Magda helped Pernille to get inside and settle down at the kitchen table, putting a chair beside her so she could put her foot up again. 

Magda got the bag with groceries that she had bought before she came over. She unpacked some containers of spices and held them up to show them to Pernille. “I have prepared meals at this place for two days now and have come to the realisation that I can’t function in a kitchen where there’s only salt and pepper! So I hope you don’t mind that I topped up your spice collection a little.”

Pernille looked at her surprised. “Ok… thank you…”

Magda started to slice the chicken, while Pernille got the assignment to cut the vegetables.

Pernille’s phone continued to play music. Their conversation went on, no worries about football careers that got shattered by injuries this time but lighter topics now, about friends and family and funny incidents at the club and at university.

When the chicken sizzled in the pan, Magda joined Pernille at the table and helped her to slice the bell peppers. She added her pieces to the bowl which Pernille had collected her pieces in before.

Magda’s very small, meticulously regularly cut bell pepper pieces joined the jumbled collection of slices and pieces in a variety of different sizes that Pernille had produced. Magda smiled. How else had she expected Pernille to cut bell pepper? 

Pernille reached for the bowl to add more of her pieces. They smiled at each other, when their fingers touched, when Magda handed her the bowl. 

Weren’t you supposed to feel awkward around someone you were in love with but knew that it could never be? It was still so easy to be with Pernille. Easy and comfortable and wonderful. She would never do anything to risk that she would lose this.

Magda got up and stirred the chicken again.

With the chicken’s packaging the plastic recycling bin was overflowing. The general waste wasn’t completely full yet, but since Pernille wouldn’t be able to empty it herself she took both bags and held them up.

“I’m just going to take this out…”

Pernille looked up from the squash, she was working on now. “Oh, yes, thanks!” 

It had gotten dark. As nice as it had been during the day, the sun had not at all been strong enough yet to leave any warmth behind after sunset. Magda shivered. She had only put on a jumper instead of her jacket, but she wouldn’t be out here for long.

After the darkness on the yard Magda was blinded when she switched on the strip light in the shed with the bins.

What if…?

She left the two rubbish bags in their according bins. 

What if it could be?

She leaned against the wooden wall of the shed. She didn’t trust herself to distinguish wishful thinking from valid conclusions made from actual observations, when she was in Pernille’s presence - saw her smile, heard her voice, let alone felt her body cuddled up at her side. But now maybe her brain could function again…

Oh, wasn’t she a romantic?! Here between the recycling bins and the bin for the biodegradables she finally dared to finish the thoughts she had otherwise always stopped the second they appeared.

Pernille’s head might sink against her shoulder when she fell asleep, but it wasn’t that she sat up as soon as she was awake again. She stayed where she was and seemed to enjoy the closeness just as much as Magda did.

When they watched TV together it was certainly Pernille, too, who cuddled up more and more in the course of the evening and who smiled at her, the few times she had dared to put an arm around her, certainly indicating that this move was absolutely welcomed. Magda had become so careful to not make any inappropriate advances since she had realised what was going on with her, that she was certain she didn’t lie to herself about this.

She wasn’t entirely sure if their hugs to say goodbye after the evenings filled with hours of talking took longer than they usually would between friends, but she was absolutely sure that it hadn’t always been her who wouldn’t let go.

The looks, of course! How often had she caught Pernille watching her just today? Did you look at a friend that often... that long... like that...?

All of that could still just be friendly. That’s what she had convinced herself of for weeks now and of course it was absolutely possible.

On the other hand... How difficult had it really been to interpret some of her recent moves as the badly restrained advances they admittedly were? At least if you knew she liked girls and Pernille knew that of course...

Even if for Pernille herself the cuddling, the hugs, the looks hadn’t meant anything… Wouldn’t Pernille have dialed it down in some way, to not give Magda any wrong hopes, if she had understood what had been going on with Magda? Unless… unless she actually reciprocated her advances…?

But maybe Pernille was just so lighthearted and unconcerned that she still had no idea… After all it had kind of been Magda’s intention that Pernille shouldn’t realise what was going on, even if Magda was more than unsure now how well she actually had succeeded with that.

The thought that everything she had just shoved aside as impossible up to now might not be that impossible after all didn’t make her happy but made her horribly scared. It dawned on her that she hadn’t avoided these thoughts because she didn’t want to give herself any wrong hopes. Telling herself that she didn’t have a chance anyway had been the easy way out. Thinking that maybe there was a chance meant that she had to make a decision.

Once she let Pernille know about her feelings, she couldn’t just turn back time and make it unhappen. Once Pernille knew, she knew. If it turned out that her feelings weren’t reciprocated, they would hardly be able to pretend that she had never found out and just continue as before. Things would get weird. 

She couldn’t risk to lose what she had with Pernille!

But what if she risked to lose a lot more, if she just accepted that they couldn’t be more than friends and there WAS a chance…? A chance for something even greater and more wonderful?

She almost felt dizzy. Now that the dams were broken she couldn’t stop thinking about what maybe she could have… what they could have!

She could cook every day using riotously cut pieces of vegetables that Pernille had prepared for her and that usually would drive her crazy, but that now were exactly what she wanted in her curry.

Pernille could sleep in Magda’s arms on the bus and she would not have to tell herself some crap about trying to prevent a stiff neck. She would know that she wasn’t imposing anything on her but that Pernille was enjoying this just as much as she did.

She wouldn’t have to desperately hide her feelings anymore to spare herself the humiliation of observant teammates finding out about her unrequited pining. She could smile stupidly-in-love all she wanted when she looked at Pernille, because everyone were allowed to know.

She would not guiltily admire Pernille anymore, scared of making her uncomfortable. She would just marvel at her openly and Pernille would just smile smugly, when she caught her, pleased that Magda liked what she saw.

And of course she wouldn’t have to restrict herself to friendly hugs and casual touches but could just hug and touch and kiss her all she wanted and she would certainly not stop there, because she would not leave in the evening after they had switched off the TV...

Shit, Magda, get a fucking grip!

The cold got her back to reality. She was shuddering. She really needed to get back inside!

She still had no idea if her notion that maybe she needed to reevaluate her interpretation of Pernille’s behaviour made any sense. And if so she still had no idea what to do about it! But she was sure now that it was simply stupid to not even give Pernille and her a chance at least!

The apartment felt wonderfully warm after coming back inside from the cold. Magda stopped in the kitchen door. Pernille was sitting at the kitchen table…

TBC

I hope that part B will be ready in a few days!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On 14/3 2014 we find [this picture ](https://www.instagram.com/p/lfJv_wo3-R/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link) on Pernille's Instagram and this one 
> 
> [this one ](https://www.instagram.com/p/lfHU0xTK-X/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link) on Magda's. The captions tell us that they are both injured and spend time together while the others are training. 
> 
> On the 17/3 2017 (Pernille im WOB by now, Magda still in Linköping) Pernille [posts ](https://www.instagram.com/p/BRwUrSngdSj/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link) the picture Magda originally posted writing that she's looking forward to that they will see each other again.
> 
> So not exactly the "anniversary" of the original posting but almost. Well, that made me think that maybe even in retrospect there is some significance for them to these pictures and to that day…
> 
> I used to have the whole one-shot collection in one story with several chapters, before I discovered that AO3 offers series. Spring part A used to be the second chapter, but when I made it an extra story I couldn’t take along the comments… You find those comments in the second chapter of my story Visiting now, because that was the only way to keep them…


	2. Part B

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know this took much longer than I said. Thank you so much for your patience!
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments or via tumblr (erika---k).

The apartment felt wonderfully warm after coming back inside from the cold. Magda stopped in the kitchen door. Pernille was sitting at the kitchen table, looking down at her phone.

The music was still playing. Pernille hadn’t heard the door, when Magda had come back in.

She was so beautiful… Magda now consciously allowed herself to notice that. The smile on her face… Dreamy... happily abstracted… Completely immersed in whatever she was looking at...

When Magda moved to walk back to the stove, Pernille became aware of her and looked up. “Oh! Hi!”

She looked down at her phone again. While greeting Magda she had unintentionally lowered her hand which held the phone so Magda could see the screen. Pernille hastily switched it off. Magda’s Instagram with the picture of them that she had posted this afternoon disappeared when the screen turned black…

Pernille looked up at Magda again. Startled… Enquiringly...

It took Magda’s brain some moments to comprehend that Pernille was trying to find out if she had seen, what Pernille had been looking at. When she grasped that she had already stared at Pernille for too long to pretend that she hadn’t seen it… Or at least hadn’t become aware of how absorbed Pernille had been by what she had been looking at…

Could there be an uncomfortable silence when the music played on and the chicken sizzled in the pan?

Now Pernille was supposed to make some joke that gave her facial expression while looking at the picture a harmless explanation…

But nothing came.

None of them succeeded to tear their eyes away from each other.

By now too much time had passed for a witty comment and it was obvious that also Pernille knew that.

“I… err… It’s a very nice picture!” she finally said.

Magda nodded. “Yes, it is!” A picture that she could make her home screen or set up on her fridge or in her locker door at the club… If she wouldn’t have to worry anymore that people might wonder if you really did that with a picture of your friend...

They were still staring at each other. 

The chicken!!

Oh, yeah, thank god! There were pieces of chicken in the pan that needed to be flipped!! She had been gone and distracted far too long!

She hastily broke their gaze and turned to the stove. She lowered the heat and stirred the chicken pieces. They had actually gotten a little too brown by now, but they were still ok.

Her mind raced.

It wasn’t that odd that Pernille looked at a picture of the two of them. Even her expression while looking at it could certainly be explained somehow. But her reaction when Magda saw her looking at it... the time she needed to compose herself…

She had gotten fucking busted!

Magda looked over at Pernille again. She had started to continue to eagerly butcher the squash, looking down at it with an intense concentration. The knife hitting the chopping board with a loud BANG after each cut.

What was she supposed to do now? Should she ask Pernille what this was about? She didn’t look very open for talks right now!

In the end Magda decided to apply herself to the task at hand. There was really no point in ruining all of their dinner over... this… Whatever this was…

She cut garlic, onions and chilli pepper. She took the vegetables Pernille had prepared and fried them with the chicken. She added a can of chopped tomato and a can of coconut milk and she inaugurated the new spices she had bought for Pernille.

And during all of this one thought emerged from the chaos in her head:

It had obviously not been Pernille’s plan that Magda saw her marveling at their picture... She also certainly hadn’t intended for Magda to realise how many miles away she had been while looking at it... Let alone that Magda had been supposed to see how nervous Pernille got when she caught her...

At some point down the line she would certainly need to find out how she wanted to deal with the fact that for whatever reason Pernille didn’t want her to know… Or didn’t want her to know yet… that SHE LIKED HER BACK!

PERNILLE LIKED HER BACK!

That thought took hold in her head, in her whole body and wouldn’t leave again. SHE LIKED HER BACK!

For weeks she had forced herself to dismiss every observation that could mean that Pernille liked her as more than a friend. Now that she had decided to give that idea a chance at least, she had expected that she would collect evidence for some weeks from a more optimistic point of view and then maybe draw new conclusions…

Well, it had taken less than two minutes instead. Together with all the things she had experienced with Pernille in recent weeks and months, what just happened in the kitchen was pretty difficult to explain away... She was pretty sure now! PERNILLE LIKED HER BACK!

This was… sudden! And a little overwhelming. Could you feel sick from happiness? Because she did! PERNILLE LIKED HER BACK!

Pernille was still sitting at the kitchen table. Aside from an almost shy remark that she was sorry but would obviously not help to clean up the table and the kitchen since she couldn’t get up she had just scowled at her phone after she had finished everything she could contribute to the meal preparations.

Magda felt like running to her and hugging her like she had scored at least ten goals at once. But that was obviously not called for right now.

PERNILLE LIKED HER BACK! Was she allowed to feel this happy, when Pernille pretty obviously didn’t? 

There was a knock at the door. The others were here.

When one of their teammates inspected the food on the stove it became apparent that Magda in her automode had forgotten to put on the rice.

Everybody thought it was hilarious, that the simplest part of the meal hadn’t worked out.

Since everyone knew who had been the chef and who had been the kitchen help here, the blame focused on Magda, but she couldn’t care less. She was just thankful that no one started to speculate what might have been the reason that she got so distracted.

The subsequent rice preparation delayed dinner by twenty minutes, but finally everybody was sitting around the table eating.

If someone ever asked Magda about the topics of conversation that evening, she would have no idea. If someone ever asked how the food had turned out, she wouldn’t be able to answer, because she hardly ate anything.

But she would always remember what went on between Pernille and her that evening.

She heard the chattering and laughing of her teammates like through a wall of cotton wool. Everything around her seemed blurred and fuzzy. The only thing she was aware of, clearly and distinctly, was Pernille. Pernille who was sitting across from her at the table, also just picking in her food, not really eating, not taking part in the conversation either.

Pernille, who surreptitiously looked up at her at some point but who hastily looked down again, when she realised Magda was looking at her as well, avidly picking in her food again.

Magda still felt so happy, but that was swiftly dwindling when she realised more and more that there seemed to be no way to share this happiness with the person responsible for those feelings.

How could she have been so sure that Pernille reciprocated her feelings anyway? From just a facial expression…? Now afterwards she wasn’t so sure anymore… Had Pernille really been that immersed by the picture? Had she really looked that busted? Had it really been such a long moment until she had succeeded to at least try for an explanation? 

Oh, for fucks sake, Magda! Don’t chicken out again!

She knew what she had seen, she knew what it meant and most importantly: She knew what she wanted!

And she certainly wouldn’t get that by telling herself that Pernille would never be interested in her anyway, because dealing with what actually was going on here was too complicated!

She looked over at Pernille again. She actually just put a piece of chicken in her mouth. That was something at least... She really needed something in her stomach if she still needed to take pain medication for the night.

Focus, Magda, focus!

She had no idea what went on in Pernille’s head right now, but she could very well take an educated guess.

She couldn’t imagine that Pernille had deliberately played the straight girl all this time. No, certainly not - she herself had just been as convinced as anybody else that she was straight.

Up until recently anyway... Assuming that Magda’s interpretation of Pernille’s reaction to the photo was correct, by now she was very much aware that she liked Magda more than was compatible with the definition of straight…

At what point Pernille had had that realisation and how much time she consequently had had to decide what to do with this insight... Magda had no idea.

Some weeks, days or just minutes? Maybe she had just at the moment she became aware of Magdas presence in the kitchen realised what her facial expression might tell Magda.

In the end it didn’t really matter how long it had been, because it was pretty obvious that for Pernille it had not been long enough - not long enough at least that she wanted to share this information with Magda.

Well, if Magda was overwhelmed by what she seemed to have found out about Pernille, how overwhelmed had Pernille to be by what she had found out about herself?

So much for figuring out Pernille’s assumed state of mind… But what was Magda supposed to do now?

If your best friend breaks her foot you help her pack her bag for the hospital, you drive her home after surgery, you help her up and fetch her crutches, you shop for groceries for her…

What do you do if your best friends discovers at the age of twenty-one that she is not as straight as she thought she was? What do you do if she blabbed about that discovery earlier than she was ready for other people to know? And most importantly what do you do if you are pretty sure that aside from being the helpful friend in this scenario you’re also the target of her newly discovered feelings? ... and have not-so-newly-discovered feelings for her yourself…?

God, what a clusterfuck!

Well, obviously Pernille needed time to figure out whatever it was she still had to figure out… Magda certainly didn’t want to rush her into anything she wasn’t ready for!

She could pretend that little scene in the kitchen had never happened to give Pernille the time she needed. And when Pernille was ready… Magda would be there…

Well, it HAD happened! And Pernille knew it had happened so she knew that Magda knew… What would she think if Magda simply ignored that information…? Would she get that it was to give her time…? Or would she think that Magda ignored it because she didn’t want to be more than her friend and hoped that Pernille would get that and would try to forget what she was feeling? Oh, no, she definitely couldn’t let that happen! She definitely needed to let her know about her own feelings!

On the other hand Pernille should be able to figure out her feelings without the pressure of knowing that Magda was on standby just waiting for her to finally come to terms with her non-straightness...

She looked over at Pernille again. She had dealt with the thought that they would never be together comparatively well for the last weeks or even months. But now that she had understood that there actually was a chance for them, now that the hope that “they” could be had taken hold in her, the thought that it wouldn’t work out because she ruined it was excruciating! 

“Magda!” An elbow hit her ribs.

“What?” She looked up at the teammate beside her, who had just hit her.

“Are you asleep?”

“No…” Apparently someone had tried to talk to her for a while already.

“Do you have any idea when you will be able to join us in training again…?”

“Err… Maybe... “ Magda got together a few sentences that summed up the current state of her recovery.

“Are you alright?” another teammate wondered.

“I’m just… tired…” Luckily no one questioned that answer and they left her alone, the conversation focusing on another topic again.

She looked over at Pernille again. Pernille was looking at her as well. God, what was she supposed to do…?! She couldn’t tear her eyes away from her… She shouldn’t stare at her… She should give her time… She wanted Pernille to know what she was feeling… She shouldn’t pressure her...

A smile!

Pernille smiled at her!

A shy smile. Shy and helpless and hesitant... But she smiled at her.

If everything around her had seemed like covered in fog before, now it disappeared completely. She only saw Pernille, whose smile slowly, slowly turned from helplessly overwhelmed to actually hopefully happy when Magda carefully smiled back at her.

Yes, Pernille, please be happy about this! Because you will solve whatever you’re still chewing over and then you and me are up for something great!

Even if she still didn’t know what exactly was going on in Pernille’s mind, Pernille had apparently decided to connect with her again. That was all that mattered right now. Pernille actually looked happy now. Very happy to be exact.

This wasn’t a smile that you politely smiled back at someone when by coincidence your eyes met. Magda knew that this smile was meant for her - an acknowledgement that something special had happened and was happening here.

Magda didn’t even have to think about the appropriate or strategically smart reaction to let Pernille know that she felt the same. She felt like her chest would explode from relieve and there was no way she would be able to hide that even if she had wanted to.

Afterwards Magda wondered how it had been possible that they were sitting here surrounded by their teammates, smiling at each other like idiots, dazed by their new mutual discovery that changed so much for them, while the conversations around them just went on as if nothing had happened. Even longer in retrospect she understood that probably no one became aware that there was something especially intense going on because their teammates had already amusedly watched them shooting wistful looks at each other for weeks at that point.

At the evening itself she didn’t think about any of that. It wasn’t a problem for them that they were surrounded by so many people. There was no necessity yet to talk about anything. 

They knew that something had happened and they knew that they both were excited about that and that was enough! What exactly it meant and how things would continue… They would get there but it certainly didn’t need to be solved right now.

It was kind of fun even, to sit in a group of people and know that something was going on here that only Magda and Pernille were aware of. Like an internal joke that only the two of them got.

They had a little secret. Or… a big secret, because this was big. 

In the further course of the evening Magda sometimes actually succeeded to focus on the teammate talking. Probably at least sometimes looking like she actually listened but still not really getting anything of what was being said.

Regularly she looked back at Pernille. Who smiled back at her. A little more discreet now than before but still looking very happy - just as happy as Magda herself felt as well.

Things were easy again. Like it had always been. Different of course. Because there was something new here. But they both knew where they were. They were at the beginning of something that felt unfamiliar and uncertain and a little weird… Probably even weirder for Pernille than for herself, but something great and exciting for sure. 

After the meal Magda and the others cleaned up. Every time Magda looked up from the sink, where she was washing the dishes, over to the table where Pernille was sitting they exchanged a smile again.

One of their teammates who was standing beside Magda and drying the plates that Magda had just washed up caught their looks at some point and looked from one to the other. And started to grin silently. Magda didn’t care. Watching Pernille’s smile and knowing that she smiled because of her was much more important.

Finally Magda and her teammates were ready to leave. They didn’t want to stay too long, since Pernille still seemed pretty drained as their teammates noted- she had hardly talked the whole evening…

Since this time she had the direct comparison to the hugs of their other teammates, it was no question if their hug to say goodbye lasted longer than it normally would... It did. The thought of kissing Pernille on the cheek crossed Magda’s mind for a second when she buried her face in Pernille’s hair while holding her, but she decided that there had been enough novelties for today. 

When they finally let go they smiled at each other again.

“Do you want me to come again tomorrow?” Magda asked.

“Yes! Of course!”

They hugged again, shorter this time, because their teammates were already almost out of the door.

Magda let go of Pernille, smiled at her one last time and hastily followed their teammates.

Magda stood beside her car, looking back at the windows of Pernille’s apartment. Frido who was getting a ride with her put an arm around her shoulders. “Do you want to stay?”

Magda looked at her irritatedly. “What?! No! Why?”

“Just a thought…” Frido grinned at her, clapping her shoulder.

“Oh, shut up and get in the car!” Magda tried to sound irritated, but considering her current mood that was really difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think in the comments or via tumblr (erika---k).
> 
> I'm not sure what to write about next yet. My ideas are:
> 
> * Domestic everyday life in Linköping  
> * Something about the matches Chelsea-WOB or Denmark-Sweden WC-qualifier  
> * A Pernille pov version and maybe follow-up of this story (even though that would really contradict the idea of making this a series of one-shots…)
> 
> Please let me know what you want to read about. I’m also open to other suggestions if anybody has any other ideas aside from the above. This is not a poll. I’ll not necessarily choose the scenario that “wins” to write about, because I really need to write about what I like best to make it a good story. But I would really like to get an impression of your ideas and interests anyway to get some inspiration.


End file.
